Finding the Right Roommate: A Guide

By Alicia Geigel on February 18, 2021

Whether it is during your freshman year in a dorm or during your junior year in an off-campus apartment, living with a roommate may be either a dream or a nightmare, depending on who you find and where you find them. Sharing your life with a roommate is not always easy, but there are plenty of ways that you can actively make your experience smoother and more enjoyable.

Are you a college student in need of a roommate? Unsure of where to find the perfect roommate for your situation? Fearful of any conflict that could ensue when living with someone else for the first time? This comprehensive guide will steer you in the right direction, showing you the best ways to find a roommate and how to avoid problems when moving in together! 

Deciding Who to Live With:

Perhaps the first and most important part of living with a roommate/roommates is figuring out who to live with.

For a lot of freshman college students, many utilize services provided by the university to help find a prospective roommate. In this case, universities will send out an email detailing instructions on how to fill out a questionnaire for your optimal roommate. Questions in the form may include: do you smoke/not smoke, do you prefer a cleaner/messier room, what time do you go to bed, etc. These questions help the residential advisors and administrators build a reasonable profile for you and place you with the ideal roommate that would complement your lifestyle/living habits.

If you’re not a freshman, you may be looking for roommates elsewhere. One popular and trusted website for college students to find roommates is Roomsurf. Through Roomsurf, students can find several roommate matches in the blink of an eye! The process is simple, with three easy steps: first, students create an account and choose their college, then students fill out a 20-question quiz to help gauge their likes/dislikes, and Roomsurf does the rest! Using the answers from the quiz, Roomsurf matches students with the best potential matches, to which they can message and get to know through their messaging system.

Additionally, plenty of college students also turn to university class Facebook pages to find people to be their roommate. This is less formal and is a way many consider more personal to find a perfect roommate. Students will typically post their major, where they are from, hobbies, favorite music/TV shows/movies, interests, etc. Before my freshman year, I found my first college roommate by making a post on my university’s “class of 2018” page and found someone that was similar to me in interests. We ended up messaging each other, met up at accepted student’s day, and decided to become roommates!

Another way to look for roommates is through mutual friends and/or through other social media pages. Many people successfully find roommates through friends or through sites like Facebook or Craigslist. Finding roommates like this can be perfectly safe and easy, just be cautious of who you talk to and what information you give to them. Though not everyone on the internet is a bad person, there are definitely some bad eggs out there and you don’t want to end up being scammed by one or even go as far as living with one. 

Tips for Finding a Roommate/Roommates:

-      DO consider university resources (if they are available to you)

-      DON’T rush moving in with someone you don’t know just because you need a roommate

-      DO look around multiple sites/pages to find someone compatible with you

-      DON’T move in right away if you can, spend some time talking and getting to know the person you may be moving in with

-      DO put truthful information out to your prospective roommate regarding you/living habits

-      DON’T lie about important lifestyle choices to appease a roommate and end up surprising them later on

-      DO be safe and cautious when searching for a roommate on websites like Facebook or Craigslist

-      DON’T give away personal information to any prospective roommate

You Found a Roommate/Roommates: The Next Steps

Once you have found a roommate or roommates that you want to live with and have moved in with them, now comes the hard part: actually living together. When it comes to living with others, there are six elements that are crucial for a smooth and stress-free living experience: chores, cleanliness, communication, privacy, bills, and quality time. These elements are important, as they will help to foster a healthy and balanced roommate relationship!

Chores

Let’s be real, no one truly likes doing chores (unless you’re like me and sometimes like cleaning to de-stress). You might be able to get away with not doing chores at home, but when you live with roommates, your lack of tidying up in the house definitely adds up. Before you even move in with your future roommates, it’s important to establish some basic, ground rules of living. This can include alternating who takes out the trash every week, who cooks dinner on Tuesday nights, who washes dishes after dinner, who vacuums on weekends, etc.

You may be thinking to yourself, “Alicia, it’s not that simple. My version of clean is different from my roommate’s.” That may be true, but there are definitely ways that you can figure this out. Kate Legere of Apartment Therapy states, “Determine what the household chores are and agree on a cleaning schedule. Ask questions like “What needs to be done daily, weekly, monthly? How will you split the light cleaning (vacuuming, dishes) and the deep cleaning (refrigerator, windows)?”

Doing will help you understand the tasks that need to be accomplished and when. Additionally, writing out the chores on a chalkboard, dry-erase board, or calendar can further help by giving you a visual of what needs to get done. An Apartment Guide Blog suggests, “Use a wall calendar to write everyone’s duties down, or create a chart that lists all of the roommates’ names and their responsibilities next to it. This way, there is no confusion as to who is responsible for what. If it works better, rotate the chores every month.”

While this may seem incredibly simple, it will definitely be helpful in the long run. Once you and your roommate get a glimpse/idea of each other’s boundaries, standards, etc. you both can collectively work toward maintaining a good environment that is suitable for the two of you. 

Cleanliness

The coronavirus pandemic has significantly changed how we all approach the world and live our day-to-day lives. When living with a roommate, the issue of cleanliness and personal hygiene may become more complicated with the added layer of the existing pandemic. Before moving in with a roommate, it’s necessary for you to ask the appropriate questions to your prospect regarding how they approach COVID-19 and what precautions they take to keep themselves safe.

Plenty of people approach the pandemic in different ways, so if you and your potential roommate clash on this issue, it may not be in your best interest to live with that person, and vise versa. Maintaining cleanliness and personal hygiene by wearing a face mask in public, sanitizing and washing hands when possible and needed, maintaining social distancing, and avoiding large public gatherings are all adequate precautions to take to help stop the spread of the virus. If your potential roommate is on the same page with you, this is another way you both know that living together is the right decision. 

Communication

You have probably heard about keeping the doors of communication open over and over again in your life, but I can promise you that this is incredibly important, not only in roommate relationships but in all relationships. Regardless of how many roommates you have, you’ll want to make sure there is effective communication. Doing so requires no passive-aggressive post-it notes, subliminal messages, etc. but rather, openly talking to your roommate. You may have an issue with your roommate because they constantly use your shampoo without asking, or maybe they make you crazy because they eat all of the snacks your mom got just for you.

The bottom line is this, speak up. There is nothing worse than having a problem with the person you are living with and just letting their actions get under your skin. It is infinitely more beneficial to confront your roommate with your problems than let the tension build for no reason. If you find yourself in a real pickle and you definitely can not talk to your roommate, bring your issue to your RA or a friend/parent and they can certainly help you settle it, it’s their job!

Tips for Communicating Effectively with Your Roommate:

-      DO be direct with your roommate when there is a problem that arises between you both

-      DO respect them and their differences

-      DON’T belittle, talk down to, or yell when you don’t get your way or you cannot see eye-to-eye

-      DO both talk and listen

-      DO ask if there is anything you can do to make the living situation better and point out what they do that makes you stressed/angry

-      DO go to a family member or campus counselor to get their input on the situation if you do not feel up to talking to your roommate just yet but feel that you need to vent about the situation

-      DO compromise: According to Rick Moreci in an article by Brian Burnsed of US NEWS, “Compromise does not have to mean sacrifice. It means working together with your roommate to determine the rules for your new living arrangement that you can both be comfortable with.”

Privacy

Everyone loves the chance to spend time by themselves, unwind, watch the latest episode of their favorite TV show, and not have to worry about anything. Privacy when living with a roommate can sometimes be violated, as it can just naturally (and accidentally) happen while living together. Sometimes you want to be able to call your mom or best friend without having someone else breathing down your throat or take a relaxing shower without worrying about who wants to jump in next.

Just because you have a roommate does not mean that you have to spend every second of every day with each other. Sometimes doing so can create rifts and tensions and sometimes it can be great, it all depends on the person. However, do not feel obliged to have to do everything with your roommate, it’s good to have your own friends too! Friends can not only help with any roommate problems you’re having but they can also be an escape for when you are experiencing a hard living situation. So whether you’re on your bed blasting music through your earphones or are venturing to the dorm across campus to see your friend, just know that needing your own space is ok and healthy!

Tips for Respecting Roommate Privacy

-      DO establish boundaries of what is ok/not ok with you in terms of privacy

-      DON’T use/eat something without asking

-      DO ask before hosting a party at your place

-      DON’T assume that it’s always ok to have friends over 

Paying Bills

One very important element about living with someone (if you are in an apartment/house) is figuring out how to split up living expenses like rent/amenities/cable + internet. Taking on adult responsibilities and figuring out how to effectively split bills can be difficult but it will definitely save you any kind of money-related trouble in the future. According to Leslie Tayne of Credit.com, “A major key for keeping the peace is making sure bills are organized. Figure out when and how bills will be collected and split each month, how they will be paid, and who is responsible for paying what amount. While this may sound obvious, too many times roommates will wait until the last minute, causing stress, tension, and possibly late bills.”

To make splitting bills easier, put together a chart or spreadsheet of expenses that each person owes to organize payments and keep track of who pays what. Tayne notes, “Each expense should show details such as due dates, the amounts owed, and the person responsible for paying.” Once you get payments and billing figured out, a huge burden will be lifted off your shoulders!

Finding the right roommate for you can sometimes be a challenge- it’s a big decision! Living with someone other than immediate family or what you are used to isn’t always easy, but if you search for a roommate the right way and do your best to compromise in the areas of chores, cleanliness, communication, privacy, and paying bills, the living situation for the two of you will be stress-free and comfortable. While you are bound to run into some problems along the way, just remember to talk it out and try to see the situation from your roommate’s perspective. Good luck!

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